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Healing the deepest wound . . . .

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Toxic shame can start in early childhood.

Toxic shame is an incredibly incapacitating state to live with.  It is often the result of living with a narcissist and it is the result of particularly manipulative conditioning. Many may grow up with this and have to heal it as we all have to heal childhood wounds. Others may develop this later in life due to traumatic or abusive relationships. Wherever it comes from the result is the same – a heavy weight pressing on your soul making it difficult for you to be Who You Truly Are. Toxic shame is often brought about by invalidation linked to lies so you can never be sure of yourself. This makes building a healthy connection to Who You Truly Are extremely difficult.

Normal control or invalidation is when someone tells you that you’re wrong. It’s usually about something that you’ve done and it may make you feel guilty – if you feel that it was

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Toxic shame means you feel wrong no matter what you do.

wrong – or it may make you feel defiant – if you don’t feel it was wrong. Narcissistic or toxic invalidation (though of course all invalidation is actually toxic) is when someone tell you that you’re wrong and you haven’t done anything. They tell blatant lies in order to have something about which to make you wrong. If you have proof to the contrary they’ll deny it. They’ll use what is most precious to you in your life as a means to strengthen their invalidation of you. If you’ve done something that brings you joy they’ll explain how that was a bad thing to do. If you have supportive relationships in your life they’ll explain how those people are really beneath you or can’t be trusted. They’ll explain how they’re the only person who has your best interests at heart, even though their actions won’t match that and they’ll give you positive reinforcement only when you’ve done what they want you to do. They’ll tell other people you’re crazy or can’t be trusted. Anything negative they do will be your responsibility. You’ll begin to wonder if all this pain is your fault. Anytime you think you’ve started to understand them they’ll change things, invent a new lie or deny the truth because this keeps you off-balance. Confusion keeps you questioning – including questioning yourself and the value of who you are and what you do. That, of course, is the point.

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Toxic shame means you distrust yourself so much you’ll present a very different face to the world to who you feel inside.

Healthy shame actually strengthens your connection to Who You Truly Are. It is an uncomfortable, squirmy feeling that tells you you’re focused on something that’s a bit out of your integrity. It’s part of your own system, an internal boundary you were born with that’s there to help you stay in alignment with your true essence. Toxic shame takes this part of your system and turns it on its head. Toxic shame means you’ve been so turned around inside yourself that you’ve developed beliefs that means you can no longer trust yourself. There’s two parts to it. The first are beliefs that stop you from doing anything, the second is a belief that punishes you if you do something.

The first part of toxic shame is the belief ‘I’m never good enough’ because whatever you did for the narcissistic conditioner was never good enough. This could even be as deep as ‘I only make things worse’ if whenever you did something that brought you joy or you attempted to bring the narcissist some joy you were attacked verbally and emotionally. This belief will stop you from doing anything, including anything to heal yourself. Fractology can help release this. One of the best ways to work on this yourself is to do ‘mirror work’. This is when you stand in front of the mirror and look into your eyes and tell yourself all the things you would have heard if your conditioning would have been healthier. I call this ‘re-parenting’. For example, ‘I love and

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Mirrorwork can help you heal your relationship with yourself.

approve of you just the way you are.’ or ‘You’re doing well and you’ll do even better as you keep learning.’ or ‘You’re so wonderful. I’m so glad to have you in my life.’ When we get older we can either continue to be the victim of our conditioning or we can re-parent ourselves and make up the shortfalls or correct the problems we’ve ‘inherited’. 

The second part of toxic shame comes out if you manage to get past the first. This is the thought ‘Who do you think you are?’. This is the kind of thing you would have heard if you ever dared to resist or push back against the narcissistic conditioner. This is essentially a statement of their entitlement. Such thoughts invalidate you rather than acknowledge you for your achievements, as if, in achieving anything, you’ve somehow wounded others. Certainly you will have damaged the control of the narcissist which is why your achievements will be discounted and your opinions belittled. The way to heal this is to continue the work above but to also work on developing healthy pride. This is also something Fractology can assist you with. 

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Releasing toxic shame and opening to healthy pride also connects you to your true path in life with all of its joy.

Healthy shame helps keep you on track so you can achieve your potential. As you witness all the amazing things your true essence helps co-create you naturally feel healthy pride in yourself and what you achieve. Healthy pride comes from a deep appreciation of Who You Truly Are and an understanding of your function in the co-creation of all things. We all have our part to play in the unfolding of the Universe. Toxic shame would rob you of it but releasing that and opening to healthy pride gives your part back to you, and all the joy that comes with it.

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The 3 Minute Solution for Greater Wellbeing

Are you feeling stressed? Out of sorts? As if you’re dragging a weight around with every step?

If so there’s a 3-Minute Solution to give you the pattern of balance for better wellbeing. This pattern is important energetically and neurologically.

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There’s no need to drag yourself through life. Let go of the struggle and give yourself the time and love to find balance.
Leon Brown
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Life is like riding a bicycle – in order to keep your balance, you must keep moving.
Albert Einstein

 

All of us get stressed when we lose our connection to our true self – to Who We Truly Are. If we’re not to get stressed we need to maintain one of the fundamental patterns of a healthy life – our balance.

Neurologically and energetically staying balanced is a major key to increasing the ease of connection to Who We Truly Are. When we’re out of balance our system has to constantly compensate for that, which is a drain on our energy and a drag on our efforts. When we’re out of balance we never run at our optimal state and tend to generate more toxicity than usual – a bit like when your car is out of tune it’ll throw up more oil and crud into the engine.

Balance can be static, similar to the picture at the left above – weight on either side of a fulcrum needs to be even if the fulcrum is to stay level. That might work for rocks but it doesn’t work in our human existences. We can’t sit still – there’s too many fun and worthwhile things to be doing.

That means we need a dynamic balance, not a static one. That is what Albert Einstein was speaking about, as quoted on the right above. In energetic terms, it means if we have energy flowing out we need to have the same amount of energy flowing in if we’re to stay balanced. That is the kind of balance that maintains each of your chakras. Your chakras are vortices of electromagnetic energy – they are similar in pattern to a whirlpool. They maintain their shape and structure not through a rigid structure, like your bones, but through the pattern of a balanced flow.

Neurologically a balanced flow is even more important. You have neurological information and impulses flowing from your brain down your nerves and into your body – that’s called the efferent flow. That’s how your brain tells your muscles what to do.

You also have a neurological flow that goes from your toes and fingers back up your nerves and into your brain – called the afferent flow. That’s how your system knows if what it did worked or not.

Maintaining a balanced neurological upflow and downflow helps balanced flows other in your system – like your kundalini energy. It’s essential for wellbeing, both energetically and physically.

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A whirlpool is an example of dynamic balance. Its pattern is maintained by the flow on one side of the pool balancing the flow on the other. If either flow was to decrease the whirlpool would disappear.

 

With this simple exercise you can maintain this essential balance in your system. It doesn’t take long – in fact, if it takes you more than 3 minutes then you’re forcing it, rather than guiding the flow.

Done correctly, this simple exercise will bolster your wellbeing by maintaining a healthy flow in your system. Like many of the techniques I teach, it’s simple but not easy. It requires a clear focus and a strong intention. As with all things, the more you practice it, the better you’ll become at it and the easier it will be. Then it might only take you 1 minute!

Here’s how you do it:

ENERGY BALANCE

  • Focus on the upflow and downflow in your spine. You can focus on your energy or nervous system flow, whichever works better for you. The effects are the same.
  • Intend for both flows to perfectly balance each other.
  • As they come into balance you may notice your body’s relief. Just as good physical posture is easier on your muscles, good EM posture is easier on your nerves.

If you can, do this at the start of each morning to give you good energy for the day and last thing at night to help you recover from the stresses of the day and to improve the quality of your sleep. That way, you’ll really capitalize on your 3 minutes to create tremendous energetic, neurological and physical well-being for yourself.

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Variety, spice and a healthy life-balance

Turmeric +Variety is the spice of life.  This applies to many different aspects of life, and none more so than our diet.

We’ve all heard about how important probiotics (healthy bugs) are for our digestion and general health.  The necessary variety in our diet has got a lot to do with keeping a healthy microbiome (our gut bugs as a whole) and so keeping ourselves healthy.

Here’s some things we can all add into our food from time to time to not only spice up our diets but also to increase our health.

Garlic helps our immunity in large part by helping the mix of our microbiome to switch to a healthier one.  It is a wonderful prebiotic (something our probiotics love to eat).

Radishes contain arabinogalactans.  These are a particular type of fibre that, when fermented by our gut bugs, produce short chain fatty acids (SCFA) which are essential for the health of the colon (large intestine).

Carrots also contain arabinogalactans.  The variety here is also provided by the wonderful colour range we can now get them in.  They also contain Vitamin A, which is important for the gut wall, as well as our liver.  Liver health is essential for strong digestion, as well as for nail and hair health.

Jerusalem artichoke is one source of inulin.  This is a form of dietary fibre we can’t digest, which means it passes through the small intestine to be fermented in the large intestine. This helps to increase healthy bugs, improves regularity and keeps our colon healthy.  Inulin also has no calories so it can be a big help in weight management.

Jicama is a native of Mexico and it’s probably something you haven’t had before so there’s variety in it’s novelty value as well. It’s a juicy, sweet and nutty tuber with a distinct crunch. It is most commonly enjoyed raw, but you can cook it too. Its white flesh stays crisp when cooked briefly.  It also has a high inulin content.

Asparagus is another inulin source, as well as a source of magnesium, which is important for our muscles to relax as well as our digestive enzymes.  It has a variety of nutrients which are also good for the gut wall.

Leeks are also good for the gut wall.  They are high in bioflavonoids, which helps Vitamin C be more effective, as well as dietary fibre and manganese which helps activate digestive enzymes.  They also have a lot of Vitamin A, which is good for our liver as well as the gut wall. They can be helpful for a weak digestive system.